Did I Sign Up For This?

Ha Ha!...You thought I was gonna be bitchin again didn't you??  Nahhhhh :)  I apologize to anyone who was subjected to my minor meltdown last night.  After some very wise words from Asha , my blogging mentor, and a reminder to breath, I'm feeling much better now...Not to mention, she called me 'grasshopper'...I'm down with being a grasshopper...Only, I need to be a cute, non-scary looking grasshopper, not one that looks like some dragon spawn...

Yesterday, I was going through my list of blogs that I follow, reading what caught my attention...I came across a blog written by a new favorite of mine, Making It Work Mom...This particular blog was about her tween daughter wanting to shave her legs...I can vividly remember being 13, begging my mom to let me shave my legs...I'm not sure why we rush this particular right of passage along, because I would be delighted to never. shave. again.  Anyway, I loved the story she told...As a new mother, and I say new because my son is only 3 and I know I have A LOT to learn, I have a new respect for my mom...I would have loved to share the experience of shaving with her like Making It Work Mom ended up doing, but at that point, I was more interested in my best friend coming over to share the experience with me...lol...My sister and I both robbed my mom of that bonding moment...I chose to share it with my best friend and my sister secretly started shaving her legs probably before she was ten, because I did it, so she thought she should be able to do it too...Since Brodie will most likely be an only child, yes I said it, it looks like I won't have that moment either...I think I'm OK with that

I do have a point, really...lol...At the end of the blog, Making It Work Mom asked, "How has your vision of motherhood changed since you had children?"  In all honesty, before I had Brodie, I was so wrapped up in being pregnant, I didn't think a lot about how it would be when he was actually born...In my defense, I got pregnant about a year before and miscarried, so being pregnant, and staying pregnant was the most important thing to me...I can't even tell you how many books I read on pregnancy...I signed up for weekly newsletters...I even rented a Doppler to have at home to hear his heartbeat anytime I wanted...I work for my OBGYN, so if I ever was nervous and wanted to hear his heartbeat then, I just walked to the back and could have my nerves eased...I was absolutely, crazy, nervous being pregnant...My husband has adopted that out of control nervousness for parenting...lol...(That's a whole other blog topic...)  Don't misunderstand, I absolutely loved being pregnant, and I knew I loved 'the baby', but the feeling I got when I finally saw Brodie, after he was born, I will never be able to describe to anyone...The switch flipped...He was (is) my absolute 1st priority...I love him more than I love anyone in this world...How could I not fall in love him?

My overall view of motherhood at that point consisted of feeding, changing diapers, giving baths, changing outfits, taking pictures, waking up at night, all the while adoring my new little baby...Everyone told me to enjoy those days because they 'go so fast'...I was like, yeah sure, I've slept 4 hours in 2 days, this week is dragging...Well, I'm here to tell you I was wrong...Yep, I said that too...They were right...Those days were gone before I knew it...When Brodie was a baby, I was so excited to see the next stage, I wasn't fully experiencing and enjoying the present stage...Before I knew it, he was a year old...

My views of motherhood at that point were about the same, except I wasn't waking up at night because I was blessed with a good sleeper...We went through a lot of ear infections and cases of pneumonia that year, so I felt like I lived at the doctor's office...Everyone told me that the sicknesses would stop after he turned 2...So, you know what I was looking forward to...And before I knew it, he was 2...

They were right again...We spent a fraction of the time at the doctor's office that year...Throughout that year, he started showing his personality more, he was talking a lot...granted, a lot of it I didn't understand...lol...I finally started to realize that I needed to slow down...I needed to enjoy my son...

His 3rd birthday was really hard for me...it seemed like everything was changing...all the baby stuff is gone or going away...no bottles, no baby food, no little bathtub, no pacifier, no diapers, no baby bed...WTF...what happened to my baby?...(Don't be fooled though, my son still sleeps in his baby bed...he doesn't try to escape and he still fits...AND we are still potty training...don't  judge me...lol) I think I cried like 10 times on his 3rd birthday...I was sad because I will never have those baby experiences with him again, but happy because he's at a fun age (minus the meltdowns) and we actually are able to communicate with each other...My view of motherhood now is very basic...It's accepting that things change in an instant with a 3 year old...It's loving the hell out of that little boy...And it's hoping that I don't rush the time by anymore...I expect and welcome that view to change over time...Just as I know he will...

Here he is this morning...My heart...